Reflections on Ministry, Part 2

These reflections are part of my proces of concluding my time as the Ministry Developer Intern. They were originally written for the Western Region's E-Newsletter. The "you" addressed in the reflections are the people of the Western Region, with whom I have lived and worked during the last two years.

Last week, I wrote about some of the particular skills I've worked on, in order to be an effective Missioner/Ministry Developer. This week, I am reflecting on some of the transformation that has taken place within me, as I have lived and worked among you.

I try to hide it, but on the inside I am not always confident. When I first arrived, I felt very shy and unsure of myself. This was a whole new arena for me, and I was afraid that I was not up to the task. Manuel [my supervisor] was terrific. I've told him privately, but let me just say publicly and for the record, that he is the best supervisor I've ever had. He encouraged me to reach beyond what felt comfortable (and frankly, at the beginning, that was just about everything!) and to take risks. When I made mistakes, he didn't give me grief. Instead, he asked me what I'd learned, and how I might do something differently the next time. Learning to ask this question, rather than beat myself up for making a mistake, has changed me.

Manuel's quiet encouragement fostered my own self-confidence. While there are certainly still many moments when I wonder what the right course of action is (and I'll always have those moments!), I've learned to trust my own intuition. If my gut tells me something, I listen and act.

The book of Ecclesiates tells us that there is a season for everything. A time to plant, and a time to reap, a time to mourn and a time to dance, etc. For a missioner, there is a time to be quiet and a time to speak. I've worked hard to learn (and am still learning) what that balance is for myself. Some of this learning about balance comes from my own increased comfort with conflict. In the past, I spent an enormous amount of energy trying to keep everyone I worked with happy. That's neither possible, nor helpful. I've gotten much more comfortable with ambiguity, with uncertainty, and with leaving things unresolved for a time.

All of these personal learnings have helped me to become better at what I do. They enable me to act, without worrying (too much) about whether the action is the right thing.